Motivating with Empathy

"Motivating with Empathy"

My Job Here is Done™ Transcript (for general use only, machine-generated, and it may not be accurate). 

[00:00:01.090] – Dave -- Attention, class. How many of you listening have worked for a terrible boss?

[00:00:07.430] - Kelli -- Two hands on the wheel!!  Like everyone just raised their hand.

[00:00:11.190] - Dave -- Yeah. So, the next question is, was that person a bad boss because they were truly incompetent? Show of hands.

[00:00:19.170] - Kelli -- So that's a lot of hands, but I'm not sure you're being fair or objective with that vote.

[00:00:25.190] - Kelli -- Let me rephrase that question and see if you change your mind. Was that bad boss actually pretty capable, but they failed you with bad interactions and crappy communications?

[00:00:35.700] - Dave -- Whoa.

[00:00:36.890] - Dave -- Most of you changed your mind? Very interesting.

[00:00:42.050] - Kelli -- Most bad bosses aren't incompetent. They usually have skills and business acumen that could equate to them being a very capable leader.

[00:00:51.230] - Kelli -- But in many cases, they maybe this is you lack training in how to effectively communicate and motivate. And you may think this is a character flaw.

[00:01:00.790] - Dave -- Hey. In some people, and this goes for leaders and followers alike, a person is simply wired wrong at the factory. You can't fix wired wrong at the factory. That's a character flaw. But most of the time, people just get a little cross wired. And if you recognize this, you can uncross those wires and fix yourself.

[00:01:21.690] - Kelli -- Is there a training program that can help you as a leader obtain better communication and motivational skills? I'm sure someone will take your hard-earned money, but I try the free version first.

[00:01:33.770] - Dave -- Strike up the TADA sound.

[00:01:37.910] - Kelli – TADA!!

[00:01:39.830] - Dave -- You don't need to always be the sound effect. Here, watch. (TADA Sound effect plays)

[00:01:45.290] - Kelli -- Well, you tell me to go ahead and be spontaneous, and then when I am, you tell me to be quiet.

[00:01:52.010] - Dave -- Welcome to the free version. Class starts in about 20 seconds.

[00:01:57.770] – Intro -- Hi, I'm Dave, and I've been starting and running businesses all my life. And I'm Kelli, working for the man like a dog for decades. And you are YOU! The driven career professional, clawing your way up the ladder of success. Maybe running your own business? The next 20 minutes or so is just for you. Welcome to ...
[00:02:18.140] - Chuck Fresh -- My job Here Is Done.

[00:02:21.590] - Kelli -- Why did you get to TADA and I couldn't TADA.

[00:02:24.940] - Kelli -- I TADA'd and you said, I'm going to put in a sound effect and then you TADA'd... Why?

[00:02:30.580] - Dave -- Welcome and thanks a lot for taking a break to give us about 20 minutes of your time today. I'm Dave.

[00:02:36.190] - Kelli -- And I'm Kelli. And we talk about career success and entrepreneurial business growth on this podcast. Subscribe or follow us on your favorite app. We don't want you to miss any new episodes.

[00:02:48.670] - Dave -- And you can interact with Kelli and me personally at our website myjobhereisdone dot com and on social media at myjobpodcast.

[00:02:58.270] - Kelli -- Before we get into the free version of how to be a better leader, let's first agree that there's a ton of great educational avenues you can find that will help you hone your leadership skills.

[00:03:08.830] - Dave -- Kelli and I are both huge fans of adult continuing education, specifically the kind that you can find at Executive Business Schools, of which in the USA. The one I have used many times is Kellogg's School of Management at Northwestern University near Chicago.

[00:03:25.550] - Kelli -- And for transparency, we have no affiliation with them whatsoever. But there's a link in the show notes for you.

[00:03:31.500] - Dave -- But even though I suggest you let Kellogg or any of the other fine options take your hard-earned money to help you be a better leader, Kelli and I strongly suggest that you try our free version first.

[00:03:43.990] - Dave -- The one that we're doing right now.

[00:03:46.320] - Kelli -- You may be asking, should I grab a pen and a notepad to take some notes?

[00:03:50.950] - Dave -- That'd be dumb. I can see out in the Internet from here, and you're driving a car. Some of you are running and exercising, and a handful of others are just falling asleep with their earbuds in. All of you couldn't possibly take notes given your activity...

[00:04:06.810] - Kelli -- ... and you don't have to anyway, this free lesson is dirt, simple and easy to apply in your leadership career, starting right now.

[00:04:14.710] - Dave -- Okay, here we go. I am going to be two different bosses. And we'll continue to use the term boss here because it conjures up a normally bad image for some.

[00:04:25.820] - Kelli -- Okay, ready?

[00:04:26.740] - Dave -- Yeah.

[00:04:27.560] - Kelli -- What's the difference between these two bosses as it relates to what the employee they're speaking with will likely feel and experience?

[00:04:35.510] - Kelli -- Boss number one ...

[00:04:36.850] - Dave -- "Chris, you're not meeting our performance expectations for the last three months. If you don't improve, I can't guarantee your future here."

[00:04:45.560] - Kelli -- Okay? That versus ...

[00:04:47.810] - Dave -- "Chris, you're not meeting our performance expectations for the last three months, are you okay?"

[00:04:54.290] - Kelli -- Both bosses calmly and professionally explained the problem to the employee exactly the same way. But boss one and Boss two's messages were completely different.

[00:05:05.100] - Kelli -- Boss one gave Chris an ultimatum - if you don't improve, I can't guarantee your future here.

[00:05:10.810] - Kelli -- But boss number two gave Chris a reawakening - are you okay?

[00:05:15.100] - Dave -- If you are Chris, which do you respond to better, the ultimatum or the reawakening?

[00:05:21.670] - Kelli -- You know how Dave always says he can see you listening through the Internet?

[00:05:24.790] - Dave -- I can.

[00:05:26.450] - Kelli -- So can I. What I'm seeing now is a bunch of you going, wait. My job is not to be someone's therapist or to be a Doctor Phil for my employees.

[00:05:37.710] - Kelli -- I get it. You're thinking I can't be an ass to people, but I can be professionally tough and to the point.

[00:05:44.180] - Dave -- And you're right, and that will work with some people.

[00:05:48.210] - Dave -- Being a tough boss is not necessarily equal to being a bad boss.

[00:05:53.900] - Dave -- In the military. In boot camp, the drill sergeant doesn't come into the barracks yelling, "please, people, get up if you want, we have combat training today with big guns, and I hope you'll show a little bit more effort than you did yesterday. You want to be a soldier, right?"

[00:06:13.850] - Kelli -- No. They come in and bust your balls and spit flies out of their mouth and they hit the bridge of your nose with the hard rim of their hat while they yell. I know this because I know a real live drill sergeant.

[00:06:25.820] - Dave -- Really?

[00:06:26.070] - Kelli -- And I've heard the story.

[00:06:27.120] - Dave -- Oh, you have to tell us a little bit about that.

[00:06:28.990] - Kelli -- Yeah, and if you don't want to clean toilets for the next two days, you better fall in line.

[00:06:34.290] - Dave -- So, yeah, I get it. That will work on some people and in some situations, boot camp seems like one of those. But remember the difference, the people going to boot camp signed up for that. Everyone knows what it's like. And the vast majority of people out there do not sign up for that. So they self-select out.

[00:06:55.220] - Kelli -- Your employees are not soldiers in boot camp, to exaggerate for effect.

[00:06:59.010] - Kelli -- They're looking to ascend in their careers, just like you. And they're looking to you for leadership, training, and today, more so than ever, a little empathy.

[00:07:08.600] - Dave -- Now, it is true that some of your employees will respond to ultimatums like we had in that example, but increasingly more and more will.

[00:07:18.080] - Dave -- Everyone, however, no matter how big and tough they are, will respond to the use of empathy by leadership.

[00:07:25.550] - Kelli -- Business needs good managers and leaders that can help move the organization forward in both good times and when challenges are present. And good, classic management skills are mandatory.

[00:07:36.590] - Kelli -- But today's great leaders come with a new management skill that was not looked for before.

[00:07:42.000] - Kelli -- And that skill is called Empathetic Leadership.

[00:07:45.310] - Dave -- We found a bunch of articles and white papers on what we're calling empathetic leadership and here is some advice from The Center for Creative Leadership that really helps make our point.

[00:07:56.660] - Dave -- In an article, we linked it in the show notes, they write: 

[00:08:00.210] - Dave -- "empathetic leadership means having the ability to understand the needs of others and being aware of their feelings and thoughts. Unfortunately, it has long been a soft skill that's overlooked as a performance indicator. Our research, however, has shown that today's successful leaders must be more person-focused and able to work well with people from varying teams, departments, countries, cultures and backgrounds."

[00:08:28.370] - Kelli -- So let's ask another question... Do you think most people understand the difference between sympathy and empathy in the workplace?

[00:08:35.970] - Dave -- Although the two words sound the same, as you know, they mean two different things, and sometimes you can accidentally confuse the two if you're not concentrating on actually being empathetic.

[00:08:47.840] - Kelli -- Empathy is the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts and experience of another.

[00:08:57.630] - Kelli -- It's the understanding of others' experiences with everyday life, and in this case, work events.

[00:09:04.010] - Kelli -- Sympathy is related to feeling sorry for another person's grief and troubles.

[00:09:08.490] - Kelli -- Like Dave mentioned earlier, being empathetic in the workplace sometimes may be perceived as being too soft. But when empathetic leadership skills are applied correctly, it's much more effective and hardcore-results-oriented than being bossy in the classical sense.

[00:09:25.090] - Dave -- So is that it? The free lesson is adding a little empathy to your workday?

[00:09:32.450] - Dave -- Well... Sorry, but yes!

[00:09:35.280] - Dave -- Empathy is not a leadership skill that we practice, and it's likely you're hearing this concept maybe for the first time.

[00:09:42.690] - Dave -- And, yes, it is simple to put into practice. You already know how to do it. You know what it means. All you have to do is mix it into your day and practice a bit.

[00:09:52.100] - Dave -- If it were any harder than that, we'd have to charge you for the 15 to 20 minutes you just spent listening. (laughing)

[00:09:58.280] - Kelli -- You don't even have to go full out soft-marshmallow on this. Just sprinkle a little empathy into your routine. Add it slowly, especially if you've been the type of leader who prefers the boot camp drill sergeant style. After all, you don't want to ruin that reputation too quickly, right?

[00:10:15.470] - Dave -- Heavens no.

[00:10:16.790] - Dave -- So what can you expect to change by adopting empathetic leadership skills in your career as a manager of people? Or better yet, throughout your entire organization, if you're the owner entrepreneur?

[00:10:28.640] - Kelli -- The benefits are numerous, but the ones that come out first are a noticeable increase in productivity.

[00:10:34.910] - Dave -- Why?

[00:10:35.430] - Kelli -- Because your team will respond to your goals, deadlines, and projects much better when you add empathy ...

[00:10:41.770] - Kelli -- Like ... "Hi, Mary, how are you handling your workload?"

[00:10:45.250] - Kelli -- Instead of, "Mary, we're running behind. What can I do to help?"

[00:10:48.860] - Dave -- You'll see the effects of an improved reputation for you as a leader and for the business?

[00:10:54.210] - Dave -- Why? Because your team will rally around you, respect you, and want to follow you to the end goal when you add a little empathy ...

[00:11:03.330] - Dave -- like ... I remember when I worked in production, Jack, you do things a bit differently than I did. Tell me about your technique?"

[00:11:10.670] - Dave -- As opposed to, "Jack. When I worked in production, we had this down to a T. Let me show you how."

[00:11:16.900] - Kelli -- Yeah. And most of all, one of the very first things you'll improve is not your team... It's you!.

[00:11:24.570] - Kelli -- Without exception, every leader I've ever known that purposely added a dose of empathetic leadership to their management style, said they felt better about themselves and felt more like a mentor than a boss.

[00:11:36.490] - Kelli -- And all of them reported measurable increases in productivity, employee morale, and retention of staff.

[00:11:42.960] - Dave -- See, you didn't need to take any notes. It was all free. And the easy-smeazy guidance to being a better leader is centered around one simple word ... Empathy.

[00:11:54.370] - Kelli -- Check out the show notes for a few more articles we think you'll enjoy, because it's really easy to adopt empathetic leadership and these articles and a quick Google search will put you on the right track.

[00:12:05.110] - Dave -- Here's a career success soar-past-the-cruiser-sitting-next-to-you secret tip:

[00:12:10.800] - Dave -- Since the world of business is just starting to be comfortable with the concept of empathetic leadership as a skill, why not be the first in your company to apply it?

[00:12:21.620] - Dave -- You don't need any permission from anyone, HR doesn't need to rewrite any policies, and the other leaders and managers can still do their own thing their own way.

[00:12:31.300] - Dave -- But you will suddenly be recognized as a different leader, a more involved leader, a respected and appreciated leader, not by your peers at first, but by your teams ... faster than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

[00:12:49.010] - Kelli -- What? (laughing) I suggest you start running your cute sayings past me before you use them. That was just kind of silly.

[00:12:55.790] - Dave -- Kelli, we're talking empathy here!

[00:12:57.800] - Kelli -- Oh, sorry. I can empathize with saying silly things. Remember, I'm usually the star of the bloopers.

[00:13:07.070] - Dave -- Yeah. Thanks very much for listening today. We hope you enjoyed motivating with empathy.

[00:13:12.140] - Dave -- More and more people listen each week just because of you spreading the word about our My Job Here Is Done podcast. Kelli and I thank you very much for telling a friend about us.

[00:13:22.390] - Kelli -- And please tell your friend they can follow us anywhere and everywhere. Podcasts are available using their favorite app or at our website. My job here is done dot com.

[00:13:32.630] - Chuck Fresh -- I'm the announcer guy, and I sound as good as the story you just listened to. My job here is done as a podcast production of 2PointOh LLC. Thank you and your awesome ears for listening. Want to get involved? Have your own special story to share? Tell us all about it, and you might get some airtime, just like me. Browse over to myjobhereisdone.com ...Yes, squish that all together into one word, and look for the My Story link. Until next time … My job here is done!